“Did Fred enjoy his football game yesterday?” “You bet he did! This morning he can’t see with one eye, and three f his ribs are broken!”
CAUGHT
It was nearly time for the football match to commence between the local rivals , Reds and Blues. Intense enthusiasm prevailed and a keen match was anticipated. Among the spectators who had assembled were two young fellows conversing together. One was telling the other the dreaded news that Jenkins, the best player of the Blues (this being the club they supported) had had a fall the previous night, and had been unconscious for some hors, “What,” said the other aghast, “that’s a bad look-out for our club. How did it happen?”. “Why, he fell asleep”, was the answer.
HE WOULDN’T PAY
The match was over, and the favourites had lost, so that some of the players on the losing team were not in the best frame of mind’ leaving the field, they rambled down the road until the local pub was reached, when the full back stopped with the intention of going inside to get something to smooth his ruffled feelings. As he was going in, the centre forward, who was teetotaller, caught him by the shoulder, and said “You’re not going into that public house, are you Billy?” “Sure I am, captain” replied Billy. “Then you now that Satan is going in with you?” “Faih, hen” said Billy savagely, “he’ll have to pay for his own drink, because I’ve only got the price for one!”
A CUE-RIOUS REMARK
A local football team was being outclassed in a match during a very disastrous season. None of the players seemed to do anything right, and even their most aren’t supporters were getting exasperated, and a gloom seemed to cast over them. At length one of the “home” backs who was very baldheaded, jumped up to head the ball, but alas! it skidded off his cranium and past his on goalkeeper. The players were disgusted, and one fellow shouted to the unfortunate culprit: “Hi, Jimmy, why don’t yer chalk yer cue!”
TAKING A CHANCE
A rather shy young man had been “taking out” a young lady for some time, but yet had said nothing as to his intentions, and the young lady, who was not exactly shy, was getting anxious as to the best methods to secure him.
On Saturday he took her to a football match, and when his favourite team appeared on the field, he pointed out the most prominent players. Indicating one smart looking young fellow, he said, “That’s Smith, the half-back. He’ll soon be our best man.”
Tis was the long-awaited chance, and the young lady, conjuring up a blush gurgled, “Oh, Jack! That is so sudden!”
HE’S ONLY PUNCTURED
At a football match the other day a tall thin goal-keeper was badly “winded,” so he retired behind the posts and groaned. A spectator was heard to say “Oh! there’s nothing the matter with him, he’s only punctured.”
Amy: I suppose that your poor brother lost his left leg ad right eye fighting for his country? Rose (proudly): Oh, no, dear! He lost them playing for his county. Brace old fellow!
She: “Do you believe in football for ladies?” He: “Yes, indeed I do.” She: “Then you are a new man, I suppose?” He: “No; I am a surgeon.”
We hear much spoken against football as a vicious sport. Yet surely croquet is a much more wicket game!
Father: “I am expressibly shocked. Your mother tells me you are engaged to three young men.” Daughter: “It’s alright, papa. They are all football players, and when the season closes I can marry the survivor.”